When you hear the word teacher, thoughts of a wasted childhood, poisoned apples and back problems at 12 as a result of excessive homework spring to the minds of many. But not every teacher sleeps under their desk at the end of the day. Some lead ‘interesting‘ lives like the four that I’m about to tell you about.
The first one shot himself. He loves guns as much as Donald Trump loves his wall and he has had more jobs than Angelina Jolie has children. So he was polishing a gun when his wife asked him to go to the shops. They started arguing and he stood up, but forgot he was holding a gun and shot himself through the leg. That’s one way to get out of going to the shops.
The next teachers is considered one of the prettiest in the school. So much so, that my classmate asked to be moved out of her class because her bum distracts him. So now she threatens to dress like a Muslim woman. Today she was crying because he dog’s rear legs stopped working and she nearly had to put him down. But that’s beside the point. She’s being stalked by another teacher. During the June exam period, they were moderating the same venue and he followed her around, looming over her shoulder. When she went to the flea market, she got a text saying, “Why didn’t you invite me?” He also stares at her during staff meetings and she stares at the floor, thinking, “FML.” She’s probably going to end up on “I was stalked” or “Women who kill“, but that’s not even close to the fourth.
The third teacher is my Physics teacher, whom I’ve already mentioned on the blog. She was explaining Physics to us when she found it necessary to tell us about when she got drunk on non-alcoholic drinks. It was a hot day and she was alone in the staff room, so she went into the cooler and gulped down a few drinks. Next thing she knows, the floor starts looking woozy and she unhas lunch. She also talks to an invisible boy in the corner of the classroom, so my class is fundraising to get her a bible and exorcist.
The last one is the best. This teacher used to work at a school for disadvantaged girls in the UK. Their poor is our middle class. If you can afford McDonalds and clothes, you are not poor. But at this school was a girl named Disney. So one day, the teacher was living her best life when she saw Disney stab someone with a knife. Not a pen, spoon or ruler; a knife. She cut a female dog. The irony is in her name. Had it been a Shaneequa or Brittany or Shrooti, it would’ve been normal. At least here in South Africa. We saw worse last period. But Disney???
Moi Mentil Mind.